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Albert Al-Sahaf
Albert Al-Sahaf is the official Minister of Denial in the Executive Cabinet of the USA. His job is to deny the obvious facts around him obliviously. He's a favorite among the masses but serves an actual purpose in the EC (for internal government reasons only). The Troublesome Trio loves pranking him and the entire EC, as does the few mischevious SPC delegates. Communist Poker Face was going to be his wife before she died, and she is one of the few people he doesn't routinely deny to. Background Albert was born in rough times in what is now East Pengolia. His father "SandDom Hooze-yuh-sane-daddy Al-Sahaf" (or Sandy as the neighbors called him) was the local mayor (and a very tyranical one at that), his mother later joned the TaliBEANs. The family was filthy stinking rich, but poor Albert was bullied at the local shcool by the ninth graders upward (CP schools run K-12) because his father was a harsh and oppressive mayor. Of his many tyrannical deeds, some of his more famous is building a giant statue of himself in the down square. Unfortunately, the Al-Sahaf family's money went down the drain, their town revolted and epically toppled the statue in front of the cheering city population of 37 creatures. They had to flee and unincorporate their city's charter, leaving Itsy Bitsy Tiny Micro Town as the largest incorporated area. Bullied when rich and poor, Albert turned to denial. For the rest of his education (until he dropped out in the eigth grade), he denied ,psy everything bad and the occasional good thing. He found joy in being blissfully ignorant of the world surrounding him and being in denial of all fact, so much that the bullies no longer upset him and they left. He now denies any bullying in his youth. When he got older, as was tradition with Khanze royalty (Mayors are considered royalty), Alber was given a hat (the beret) and set off to make his fortune. Relationship with Communist Poker Face Albert's other true happiness was his best friend, later girlfriend, and (almost) his wife, Communist Poker Face. They met in kindergarten and became best friends their entire education. CPF was one of his few friends, and when Albert dropped out of school, Communist Poker Face remained to finish her education. While Al was away, CPF sent him heart card with puns like "you're my best hand", "you're an ace", "I love you", etc. After graduating, Communist Poker Face decided to propose to her best friend and boyfriend, Albert. Sadly, she died about a week before she could do so. Albert, so grieved that he stopped denying and became silent, personally buried her casket and marked it with an ace-of-spades shaped tombstone. However, it ended up happily because CPF came back as a ghost and told Albert she will always love him. Ghosts can't marry, but she promised to keep in touch, and she kept her promise. Whenever Albert gets off from work in the Executive Cabinet, he goes to Bugzy's Casino and plays card games with his fiance. Involvement Albert and the EC is a major prank target from the legislative branch of government (who are on the opposite wing of the same building). The SPC loves to torment the EC because the vast majority of them lack power, and Albert was appointed to calm them down and help them do their jobs. Quotes Poor Albert denies true and asserts false stuff... read on. * "We will welcome them (the Troublesome Trio) with bannana bullets and shoes... clown shoes." *Mayor McFlapp will roast Mabel's stomach in barbacues at the hands of her Master. **O_O *There are no corrupt policiticans in our government! * There are no pranksters within 100 miles of our wing. They are not in any place. They hold no place in this room. This is an illusion... they are trying to sell to the others an illusion! * Mayor McFlapp does not even have control over himself! Do not believe him! * We have retaken the capitol and have fired the pranksters. There are NO pranksters minions in the SPC wing. I will take you there and show you. IN ONE HOUR! * They (the Pranksters) will be PWNed. We are going to tackle them. Truly! * They do not even have control over themselves! Do not believe them! * Desperate pranksters... * Listen, this surge of whoopee cushions does not frighten us any longer. Their millions of banna peels do not frighten anyone. We are catching them like fish in a river. I mean here that over the past two days we managed to shoot down one hundred ninety six incoming snowballs before they hit their targets, which are us. * There are no pompus infidels in a high seat of power. Never! * Mabel is not worth an old shoe. * There is no thymine dimer! The dimer is a lie! I quadruple assure you, it is just a fraud made up by the biochemists to debunk the tanning business! *"What? The cake is no lie! The cake is the truth! Wait a second..." * THERE ARE NO MORE QUOTES TO ADD. I triple guarentee you that there is nothing more that can be said for the joy of other readers. There are no editors who want to add more of my speeches on the pompus or pranking infidels! The mushroom that says to expand this is lying! HE IS TRYING TO SELL YOU A LIE! ---- Minister of Walruses Tony Tushks: I'm covered in pie! Albert: They are sick in their minds. They say they brought sixty five pies upon your seal face. I say to you this talk is not true. This is part of their sick mind... Tony: DUDE, I'M COVERED IN PIE! PLUS, I'M A (good) WALRUS! Albert: There are no Walri within our city limits. They are deleting themselves at the gates. Be assured, South Pole City is safe, protected. Tony: DUDE! ---- Mabel (meeting Albert in a South Pole City elevator): Hello, Mr. Denial. I've heard of you before. My tyrannical owner told me about you. Albert (without looking at Mabel): There is no Mabel. Mabel is just a personification of the snobbishness of the Antarctic citizens made up to frighten the political, ethical, and general communities. Mabel is a lie. Mabel: Cuckoo-headed freak... Trivia * His number one catchphrase: "What? There is no {insert entity here}. The {insert entity here} is a lie." ** This catchphrase is usually accompanied by a false explanation/description of said entity. **Another running Al gag is having {someone}'s stomach roasting in {item, such as a barbacue} at the hands of {something} {accompanied by a reason why}. ***O_O ** Al also peppers his speech with "Truly!", "I say to you", or "Never!". ** He will also shout "praise be to programmer" or reference a "programmer" (programmer forbid, etc.) in his speeches to further emphsaize that his denial is true. Noble Juluius also references to "sky programmers", and Puffle'and's motto is "Programmer Save the Queen". Is there a common theme here? ** His favorite word of insult is "infidel", as in, "Mabel is an infidel". ---- * Albert does not carry a fish like most Khanz Penguins, he just denies the pain or insult. * Poor Albert has bad grammar. * A lot of people still laugh at him. * Albert has a fan club, some people can't get enough of his denial. ** Well-known members include Professor Shroomsky, Melvin Turtleheimer, and Explorer. (If you want to join, add your name.) * The Executive Cabinet loves him and his shenanigans. * Explorer loves to hear his stories. * His beret was ranked #5 on the "TWENTY MOST PWNSOME HATS OF ALL TIME" list by "Booyah Reviews! - Magazine". #6 was Explorer's tittle hat, coming behind Al's beret. Could this be the cause of all of the pranks directed at the EC branch? * Albert will "deny for hire", meaning he offers his expertise at denying to anyone who can pony up 100,000 Soviets (or 1000 coins). He will deny anything for anyome except pure evil like Darktan or those Earthbound Immortals, since it's his only true source of happiness. * He is good friends with everyone in the Executive Cabinet, and Explorer is (secretly) a fan of him, but jealous because his hat lost to Albert's. See also * Executive Cabinet * Communist Poker Face External links * He is a parody of Muhammad Saeed al-Sahhaf, the real-world denier who claimed that USA troops were nowhere near Iraq even though they had raided the city as he was broadcasting. * For real world quotes from the parodee, see http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/jokes/bljoke-iraqinfominister.htm. Note: contains two instances of PG13 swearing and several war-themed insults to enemies of Saddam Huessein. The Club Penguin Fanon Wiki is not responsible for any content off-site. Category:penguins Category:Characters Category:politicians